At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
