The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
