it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
