the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
