Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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