in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
