Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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