Pants 0. Shit 1.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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