So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize