thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
