God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
