True but thats because hes a fetus.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
