And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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