don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
