i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
