she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
