I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
