Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize