She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
