It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
