I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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