I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
