i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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