i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
