I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Farmville is her only friend.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
