You made me cry and you don't even care
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
