I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
