bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
