If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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