got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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