He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
