and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
