I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
