Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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