the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just had sex on a roof
you never un-have a 4some
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
