How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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