he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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