he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
