so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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