Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
