Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
