I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
