Got a toothbrush?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
