I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
