I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
