considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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