Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
