I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
