why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize