yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
