Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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