So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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