So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
