we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
