I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I will pee on everything he values.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize