Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
