I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
