I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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