i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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