South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
