I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
