i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
