I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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