i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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