I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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