We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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