kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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