a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he shaved USA in his pubs
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
