hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
