So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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