can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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