So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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