Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
