maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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