Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
