i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
