We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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