he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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