you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
