what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
