omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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