I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
