yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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