Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
