I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
