I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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