jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
MIDGETS
????
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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