Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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