This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
