I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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