I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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