you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
