we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just high enough for therapy.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize