i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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