Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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