sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
