I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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