no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
