My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
